Exactly two weeks from today, on March 16th, I will be embarking on the craziest (yet) adventure of my life/this lifetime. I will be sharing more with you, as the story unfolds for me and everyone involved.
I am currently in Târgu Mureș, Romania and I am going to travel to Arad, another city in Romania. The history goes so deep into my heart, into my bones, when it comes to this city. I grew up there, my home ‘Home‘ is there (you know that saying, “Home is where your heart is” – well, my heart is in Arad).
I was born here in Târgu Mureș, then my family moved to Arad when I was three months old, and we lived there for the first 14 years of my life. When I was 14 yrs old, my mama and I moved to Târgu Mureș alone, starting everything from nothing, leaving everything known behind in Arad. Now, another 14 years later, the Universe orchestrates for me to return to Arad, in a myriad of synchronicities that are carrying me back ‘Home‘.
I feel as if this is turning out to be my kind of ‘Eat Pray Love’ journey. I love Elizabeth Gilbert and her book, but it was never possible for me to make such a journey and travel so far for so long – financially wise. Way before her, Frances Mayes had a similar experience and wrote a book about it (which later became a movie) – and I loved watching ‘Under the Tuscan Sun‘ all those years before Liz’s story hit the world.
In many ways, I’ve been dreaming about this kind of experience my whole life, but never had I imagined how it will unfold for me. As a 28 yrs old young woman, I find that Life is taking me back to where it all started and She‘s pushing me to Seek, Heal and Forgive my roots – it’s that Time for me to integrate all the inner work I’ve been doing for the past four years. I feel that, somehow, going to a foreign country to find myself and heal, would mean I am going in the opposite direction of my Wounds. This experience is teaching me that, maybe, I don’t need India, or Italy, or Bali in order to find what I am looking for – and that maybe, just maybe: everything I need is here, right where I am (in Romania I mean, ’cause you know, I still have to travel half the country).
It will, of course, be 10x harder the way I am doing it, because I am going back to a house full of memories and traumas – a lot of boxes will open inside of me, a lot of wounds will crack open once again – triggers will be everywhere in that house, and it will feel like walking on land mine soil 24/7. But I feel ready, because I am. And this is what I have to do right now. I feel this strong pull, this journey that is pulling me back to Arad – I tried to avoid it for so long, but it has now come a time when I am not allowed to not see it anymore.
We’ve been planning this journey (my mama and I, ’cause she’s with me in this) since last year, but the time just wasn’t right, and we got blocked away in several ways. Around September last year, I received this clear vision that I will be going to Arad between March and October 2018. This message was so strong, it felt so undeniable to me, that I began to feel that something really big is being created in the unseen realm – something not yet manifested, not yet available for my eyes.
Back in December, I signed up for Helen Jacobs’s Weekly Forecast via email and (I think in January) I received the FREE 2018 Collective Energy Forecast (and you can still get it too via email, if you go over to her website). I’ve been following her on Instagram for some years now, I am subscribed to her Weekly Forecast via email and I am a member of her Facebook Group ‘All I See Community‘ (and you are most welcome to join as well, as it is completely Free of charge!) – and I absolutely love her! I feel so connected to her and everything she is channeling is SPOT ON!
But what hit me so hard, it’s exactly what I’ve been seeing too. Helen said in an email: “In the annual forecast I flagged the period of March to October as one where we have an opportunity to do deep inner work to help us ride the new energetic wave approaching.”
And I was like, whoa! It was a confirmation that this is what I have to do this year, between these specific months. I feel guided in so many ways to do this, but sometimes it feels overwhelming. My friend told me she thinks I’m brave to do such a thing, I sometimes think I’m nuts to go back there, all by myself at first (mama will join me only at the end of the month), to meet my younger self and all of her/my wounds. There’s a lot of my father there and my childhood, all very painful memories. But I am feeling guided to let them go or heal what can be healed, in order to prepare myself, to get ready for the life that is waiting for me in the near future.
There’s also a beautiful piano in that house, that neither one of us ever knew how to play. We thought about selling it to have some money to start with, but yesterday something happened about that too.
I’ve seen a video on Facebook of one of my friends playing the piano and my heart ached in places I didn’t even know it could. A nostalgia came over me surrounded in melancholy and soon afterwards tears began rolling down my cheeks. My mama also heard my friend playing and she said she remembered about that piano in the house.
I immediately logged into my Udemy account and searched for an eCourse in piano and found this one that I absolutely love, and bought it right away! Once bought, I played some videos and tears just kept rolling. I was reminded of this deep desire I once had as a child to learn to play the piano, but my grandma took me to an old lady piano teacher who said it was too late for me to learn piano (I was maybe eight at that time). So no one ever tried to find me a piano teacher again, and my desire was buried deep inside.
I sing vocally, and I guess I masked my desire to play the piano with the thought that at least I get to sing using my voice. But you see, it is not enough, and I find myself at 28 crying over a beautifully played Chopin, by my friend.
This man who created the eCourse, has such a calm and lovely voice. He’s so peaceful and listening to him it hit me: no one in my life taught me anything with calm and patience. There were always screaming and blaming with my father over homework, making me feel stupid and not enough. When I was little, my mother just didn’t care about homework and she didn’t have any patience with me whatsoever.
So now, apart from the fact that the Universe is sending me back, I am rediscovering old wishes and dreams unfulfilled and abandoned. We’re not so sure about selling the piano anymore, since I am getting a feeling that this particular piano will have a huge impact on my future as an artist.
And all this comes into place right when God is guiding me to write this blog too. I have to be honest with you: I feel lost. And this is good! It’s a sign that says: I no longer resemble my old self. I am losing myself, which could be great, if it weren’t so fucking scary!
So, to just draw a line in the sand here:
- I have to go declutter and radically clean (physically, emotionally and energetically) this humongous apartment
- Being humongous (I will show it to you, once I get there) I am freaking out thinking, How will I EVER finish the work that needs to be done on it, mainly on my own?!? So I am setting this intention with my Guides and Angels, asking them to help me on this journey (since hey, you are the ones sending me there!), sending people on my way who have this journey on their soul path also, people who will resonate with me and feel the need to jump into my story with their stories – and then I let it happen and open myself to receive, to let all flow
- I have 1,745,863 triggers & memories in every inch of that house
- Nowadays, this apartment is a WRECK, because my grandmother didn’t take care of it to renovate or paint it in over 40 years… In itself, this is a beautiful Victorian style apartment, with high ceiling rooms! The potential is unlimited – simply put, it’s an architectural masterpiece! (I will also draw my visions about this apartment, and I will show my drawings to you, some ideas I have for interior design.)
- I have no money whatsoever to renovate, paint, or decorate it. None. In the many visions that I’ve been receiving for the past year or so, I’ve seen how this blog is going to help me get in touch with people who could help me with this project. I’ve seen this blog entering people lives and hearts, bringing us closer, in unity. This is a personal story, but when I will get messages from you replying with your stories, I will realize that there are so many others – so many of you out there living a similar story and we’ll find a way to help each other on the long run
- I have no idea what I will do about this apt in the future. It seems to me (but this is only the way I see things now) that everything depends on the money – whether we can raise the money for it or not. I have seen my wedding day in this house, my mama fluffing my dress and I have seen an abundance of Love in this house. I feel so pulled to live there, to make it my own, for our family in the future. But if we can’t get the money, we will have to sell it eventually. I don’t know yet what the Universe has in store for me, for us. (It’s all too soon.) All I have to do now is to go there. The rest will reveal itself to me in its own time.
- (By the way) I am currently single, but I know I will meet him until we hit the month of May, and I will meet him in Arad, also. We will have to see whether or not we will make this house our own or not… Maybe, there’s another house waiting for us someplace else in the world. (But what I know for now, is that I have to be there, for the next three years or so.)
- It will be the FIRST time in our lives, when my mama and I will live separately. (We like to call it that this is the beginning of our divorce.) It is a necessary step for the both of us, but we were not ready in the past for this step. We tried to break away from each other, but we did it in all the the wrong ways, for all the wrong reasons. This is the first time when we are breaking up consciously, talking and expressing all the emotions that are arising, for both of us, at this intense time in our lives.
- I’m thrilled and scared (as shit!) both at the same time! I am a Child of God, the Universe is my Home, and Mama Earth is my mama. I know in every cell, in every bone that I am taken care of, guided and held in His hands of Love – but man! These human experiences, sometimes get the best of me!
- Uh, and BONUS! I just facebooked my first crush (God knows why I did that!) and guess what? He’s also back in Arad! (More healing needs to be done aka More shit is about to come up). OK. Just kill me now!
(While proofreading this post before hitting ‘Post’, I got this feeling inside of me, like, ‘Who’s this girl writing?’ I found this witty, funny girl I didn’t even know existed inside of me. The most liberating things though, is that I allowed myself to just be and write whateva wanted to be written at this point in time. And well, inevitably, Eve came to mind.
And this one’s a message from my younger self, ‘Please, just keep your hope, babe.‘